Remember the good old days when we had phone calls? Just… phone calls. You’d dial in, say what needed saying, hang up, and go on with your life. Productivity happened. Projects moved forward. Empires were built.

But now? Now we live under the sacred doctrine of Cameras On. Because apparently, if your coworkers can’t see your face nodding politely, the meeting doesn’t count.

The Myth of “Engagement”

We’re told cameras keep us “engaged.” Because nothing screams engagement like staring at yourself in the tiny corner box, wondering if your “listening face” looks supportive or vaguely constipated.

Meanwhile, you’re trapped in an eternal Brady Bunch grid, watching 16 people pretend their kids aren’t screaming in the background while they desperately try to look like they’re not scrolling Slack.

The Camera-On Olympics

• Perfect lighting (because heaven forbid someone sees you in your natural cave-like home).

• Background curated (plants, books, one strategically placed diploma).

• Outfit? Business on top, existential despair in pajama pants below.

It’s exhausting. And for what? So we can all nod in unison like dashboard bobbleheads?

Radical Suggestion: Phone Calls

Here’s a thought so revolutionary it might blow some minds: we could just have a phone call. We did it for decades. Deals were made. Wars were ended. Babies were born during conference calls (probably). And guess what? Everyone survived.

On the phone, you could:

• Walk around.

• Look out a window.

• Stare into the void in peace.

• Not worry if your hair looks like you lost a fight with humidity.

My Modest Proposal

Until the day we return to the noble simplicity of the telephone, I suggest this: Let those who crave the thrill of constant eye contact keep their cameras on. And let the rest of us live free, hidden behind the blessed sanctuary of the mute button, whispering, “Can’t this be an email?”